Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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