ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
