I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
