her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sext me about skeletons
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
