I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
