It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
