As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
