So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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