Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
