I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
