So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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