so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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