He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You ate ashes out of my bong
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
