my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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