We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
