and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
