Moan for me like Helen Keller
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
