I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
