Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
