i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
