What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
