Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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