respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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