I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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