If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's never too late to be topless.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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