Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
