How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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