Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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