dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
