You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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