also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
