This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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