dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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