he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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