I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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