some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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