So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to fling myself into the sun
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
