If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
