allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
