he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
