Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
