Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
