okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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