Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
