Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
