between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
