Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
