My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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