I'm so fucking centered right now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
