I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
