Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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